KUBLER-ROSS MODEL ENLIGHTENMENT

You may have heard of the model introduced to the world by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, also known as the Five Stages of Grief. According to this model, when we face a sudden or deeply sorrowful shock, loss, or destruction, we go through certain stages and emotions. These stages can sometimes overlap, regress, or vary in duration and intensity depending on the individual’s dynamics and coping mechanisms. Although some researchers have later criticized aspects of the model, the Kübler-Ross model is still widely accepted and used today.

According to the model, the five stages of grief are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

As you can see, transformation and rebirth become possible at the end of this journey. That means moving through these stages in a healthy and natural way is important. But what if we don’t limit this model to grief and death in the conventional sense? A job loss, health crisis, the end of a relationship, the loss of a part of our identity, a personal or collective change, the loss of something significant to us, or even the challenges of our own personal and spiritual growth—aren’t these also subject to these stages in some way?

If we recognize these stages, perhaps we can navigate our caterpillar-to-butterfly transformation, our cycles of death and rebirth, or the dark nights of our soul with more understanding. Sometimes, while going through these phases, we act as if something is wrong, as if it shouldn’t be happening, or as if it must end quickly, so we try to ignore it and move on. Sometimes, we fall into cycles of anger, revenge, resentment, desperate bargaining, or complete withdrawal. We also judge others who go through these phases—whether openly or secretly! But these are just stages. The key to remember is that in these temporary phases, there is a great deal of support and understanding available to us.

Now, think of a realization or enlightenment that once caused you great turmoil. Look at your process and see if these sound familiar:

This can't have happened! No, it didn’t happen!
How could this happen to me? I don’t deserve this… I’ll make them pay!
Okay, I will get out of this by doing this and that.
It’s best if I just give up on everything. Nothing makes sense anyway.
Alright… I accept it.

The most beautiful part is, of course, what opens up after acceptance—when the experience integrates fully. However, if you don’t go through various stages before reaching acceptance, it won’t fully settle within you, leaving gaps in your growth. The same applies if you get stuck in a stage or if the experience feels unresolved or incomplete.

I hope that recognizing where you are in this model will help shine some light on your experience when you're struggling.

Wishing you sweet transformations and a soft autumn filled with gentle healing.